Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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