Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
