Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
