then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
