I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
