you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
