He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
