Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
