Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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