Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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