in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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