it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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