apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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