chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
