grandma shit on top of the toilet
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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