True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
