Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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