I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
