a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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