my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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