You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
