Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
