i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
