Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
