so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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