Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
