I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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