I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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