omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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