not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
