You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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