I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
