The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
