Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
