I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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