I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
