don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
