He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
