dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
