Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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