She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
