Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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