real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
