you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
