They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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