thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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