remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
