He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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