why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
