I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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