So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
