I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
