used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
