I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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