Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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