Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have fence marks all over my body
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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