like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
