Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
