Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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