I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
