I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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