Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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